by Shelley Noonan


                                                                                   Source: via Felipe on Pinterest


Leslie hadn’t spoken to me in three days. I stuffed a folded note in her locker , but she had yet to write back and when I waited outside of algebra so we could walk to social science together she ignored me and turning the opposite way with her fingers intertwined with Bobby’s. I knew that he had asked her to go out, but sheesh, I didn’t think she’d stop talking to me. I spent the next two days wondering what I had done wrong. A week later, on a customary lip gloss check in the bathroom, I ran into Leslie. She was folded into the corner of a bathroom stall quietly sniffling out her sorrows at that fickle Bobby. He had broken up with Leslie after deciding that Jenna was a better choice, leaving her devastated in his wake.

That same incident happened time after time throughout middle school and high school. Each time it not only eroded away at my self-worth, but it also showed me how fickle friendships could be. When my friends so easily replaced me with another, it left me feeling like I wasn’t good enough and that I needed to work harder. At times I tried to cater to my friends and would compromise my personal comfort zone or beliefs in order to bolster our friendship and prove that I was indeed good enough; willing enough.

Each time they chose to dismiss me I internalized it as something I had done wrong instead of recognizing it for what it was; immaturity and inability to maintain healthy friendships.

I thought that graduation would stop my obsessive need to compare myself to my friends or to measure up to their standards, but just last week, I let it happen again. Oh sure, now it isn’t about a boy, but rather it is amongst other mothers and other friends. Am I wearing the right jeans? Do I look like a mom? Does this shirt cling in the wrong place? Does the minivan scream soccer mom or swagger wagon? I had texted Julia twice over a two-day period and she had yet to return them. Immediately I started reviewing our last few interactions; had I said something that would have angered her? Maybe I told her I would do something and then forgot.

Females of any age revert back to insecurity. It started in the garden when Eve sinned and hid from God until we someday get to heaven it won’t go away, but we CAN recognize it for what it is and take steps to correct it. Whether we are seven, twelve, fifteen, twenty-five or forty, the internal need to be validated by our friends is a strong one and one that seems to come naturally, but today take notice, you have worth. It is a worth that doesn’t come from which friends you hang out with or what van you drive. It is a worth that comes from the One who created you. Genesis 1:26-27 talks about how we are created in God’s image and THAT is where our validation lies. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.

Kristina is a mom to four little ones and a recovering friend-pleaser.  She writes at hitherto & henceforth where she expounds on kids, writing, and cleaning up messes other people make.  She reads more books than she should, is addicted to YA fiction, and sings while driving in the car.  You can find her tweeting at @kjpetrella and can join the writer’s encouragement group Commit2write on her blog each Tuesday.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Rebecca January 14, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Oh, I can relate…I’m finally crawling out of a hole I’ve been in…due to hurtful and fickle friends…but, I”m praying and keeping my eyes on him!!!! Thank you!


Sarah January 13, 2012 at 8:26 am

That was encouriging. I think that we also need to make sure that WE are not the ones leaving someone else out. I have a wonderful friend and we are able to share anything with eachother, we talk on the phone atleast twice a week. She has always been true to me. After all, we do share the same name! Any way, thank you for another great post!


Barb S. January 12, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Great post. We need to model healthy friendships for our daughters, but it’s hard when it is so easy for us to second guess ourselves and be insecure. I love how this chapter encourages daughters to be friends with their mothers. And I like to encourage our children to be each others’ close friends. Friends come into our lives and they go. Some stay briefly and some stay longer. (I only have one dear friend whom I have been close with since high school.) But your parents and siblings will always be in your life and know you better than anyone else. Posted on this chapter here:


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